Amber Smith gets it exactly right., STARRED REVIEW "This is a poignant book that realistically looks at the lasting effects of trauma on love, relationships, and life….Teens will be reminded of Laurie Halse Anderson's Speak. It is The Hero's Journey through a distorted circus mirror-one girl's quest to turn desperation into courage, to become a survivor instead of a victim. The Way I Used to Be explores the aftermath of sexual assault with a precision and searing honesty that is often terrifying, sometimes eerily beautiful, and always completely true. But it also demonstrates one young woman's strength as she navigates the disappointment and unbearable pains of adolescence, of first love and first heartbreak, of friendships broken and rebuilt, and while learning to embrace a power of survival she never knew she had hidden within her heart. Told in four parts-freshman, sophomore, junior, and senior year-this provocative debut reveals the deep cuts of trauma. Nothing makes sense anymore, and she knows she's supposed to tell someone what happened but she can't. What she thought she knew to be true, is now lies. What Eden once loved-who she once loved-she now hates. But the night her brother's best friend rapes her, Eden's world capsizes. Starting high school didn't change who she was. A New York Times bestseller In the tradition of Speak, this extraordinary debut novel shares the unforgettable story of a young woman as she struggles to find strength in the aftermath of an assault.The long-term view Smith takes of Eden's story makes it all the more satisfying when she does find her voice. It's painful to watch Eden disintegrate but also true to the double burden she carries the violation of the rape and the weight of carrying the secret. Smith tracks Eden through her four years in high school, spotlighting her shifting relationship with her friend Mara, the caring boyfriend she lies to, and her increasing acting out with booze and sex. While Eden changes virtually overnight, no one knows what happened largely, it seems, because no one wants to. Kevin tells good-girl, band-geek Eden that no one will believe her, and she's sure that he is right: Kevin is her brother's teammate and roommate, and her family revolves around her brother. These statistics underpin Smith's debut, which opens with 14-year-old Eden being raped by her brother's best friend while her family sleeps down the hall. But it also demonstrates one young woman’s strength as she navigates the disappointment and unbearable pains of adolescence, of first love and first heartbreak, of friendships broken and rebuilt, all while learning to embrace the power of survival she never knew she had hidden within her heart.Īccording to RAINN, the largest anti-sexual-violence organization in the U.S., 80% of rapes are committed by someone the victim knows, and 68% go unreported. Nothing makes sense anymore, and she knows she’s supposed to tell someone what happened but she can’t. But the night her brother’s best friend rapes her, Eden’s world capsizes. Starting high school didn’t change who she was. In the tradition of Speak, this extraordinary debut novel “is a poignant book that realistically looks at the lasting effects of trauma on love, relationships, and life” ( School Library Journal, starred review).Įden was always good at being good.
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